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Les Poissons (King Louie version)
Inside the dining room table, Ralph, Eilonwy, and Angelica were standing near the window, looking out into the distance. While Luigi was seated at the large table, beginning to clean his pipe, Ralph, Eilonwy, and Angelica were waiting patiently for Merida, Taran, and Chuckie to arrive as he tried desperately to reason with the former bad guy, the princess, and the little girl. "Oh, Ralph, be reasonable with your sisters," said Luigi, feeling clearly amused while waving his pipe in the air. "Nice young ladies and gentlemen just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -" Ralph cut him off. "I'm tellin' you, Luigi, she was REAL!" he said. "I'm gonna find that boy," said Angelica. "And I'm gonna marry him." "Angelica, you're too young to get married yet," said Eilonwy. "You're 3 years old. You have to be 16 years or older to get married." She put her left hand over her chin, gazing out the glass windows. Suddenly, laughter was heard from behind them. They turned their heads to see the lovers with the princess. "Come on, darlings." said a voice, "Don't be shy." It was Daisy. She stood by the door frame, guiding the lovers into the dining room. Out of the shadows came Merida, Taran, and Chuckie. Merida was now wearing a teal strapless bodysuit with a turquoise transparent skirt (similar to Holli Would's outfit), a teal choker, and matching boots. Taran was now wearing a yellow dress shirt, an olive green tuxedo, matching trousers, a brown waistcoat, a green bow tie, brown shoes, and a white rose on the left side of his jacket. Chuckie was now wearing a royal prince's uniform that consists of a light green coat with golden epaulettes and buttons, green pants with golden lining, a red belt with a gold buckle, and matching boots. He was still wearing his purple square glasses. All of these were new looks for Merida and her brothers, and they showed that they were being treated well by the servants. Ralph and his sisters' eyes widened as Luigi walked up behind the prince and princesses. "Oh, children, aren't they visions?" asked Luigi. The grins they had were never slipping off their faces. Ralph, Eilonwy, and Angelica's mouths hung open. But they closed their mouths and swallowed, feeling somewhat nervous. "You look - wonderful." Ralph stammered. "You look like you're ready for the prom." said Eilonwy. "And you, you look like a dream come true." Angelica agreed. "I do look like I'm ready for the prom, don't I?" asked Taran. "I'm glad you think so." said Chuckie. Only Merida, unable to say, "Thank you," replied with a gentle blush, she shrugged her shoulders, appreciating the nice comment, a smile on her face as her blue eyes looked up from behind her red hair. Ralph, Eilonwy, and Angelica blushed a light pink as Luigi helped Ralph and his sisters into their chairs, quite enthusiastic, but not before giving the young princes and princess a light nudge. Ralph, Eilonwy, and Angelica pursed their lips, but grinned nonetheless. "Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dears. There we go - ah - quite comfy?" He helped the princess and princes into their seats. Ralph, Eilonwy, and Angelica tucked the chairs under the table as the Scottish girl, the assistant pig keeper, and the little boy sat down. "Uh, it's...it's not often that we have such lovely dinner guests, eh, children?" Merida wasn't playing attention anymore. She was too intrigued by the glistening silver 'dinglehopper' resting on the table. With a wide smile, she picked up the shiny object and began brushing her hair with it. She looked up to face a confused Taran, Chuckie, Ralph, Eilonwy, and Angelica and a horrified Luigi. Merida delicately placed the 'dinglehopper' back on the table and looked down in embarrassment. She bit her lip and looked up as she saw Luigi using a lighter to ignite the coppery thing that Merida, Taran, and Chuckie understood as a 'snarfblatt'. Luigi kindly smiled at her, and handed her his pipe. "Uh, do you like it?" he asked, "It is a rather fine..." Luigi stopped in mid-sentence when the Scottish girl blew into the pipe as if it was a trumpet, sending a cloud of smoke spurting out the top and straight into his face. Taran, Chuckie, Ralph, Eilonwy, and Angelica cracked up with laughter while Daisy gave a small giggle. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. Eilonwy cleared her throat, trying to regain composure. "Ahem. We're sorry, Luigi." Daisy smiled, placing a hand on the princess's shoulder. "Why, Eilonwy," she said. "That's the first time I've seen you, your siblings, and the girl's brothers smile in weeks." Merida looked up from the table and smiled. "Oh, very amusing," said Luigi, as he used a handkerchief to wipe the last bit of smoke of his face and sniffed. "Daisy, my dear, what's for dinner?" "Oooh, you're gonna love it!" Daisy smiled. "Chef's been fixing his specialty, stuffed rabbit!" Br'er Rabbit poked his head out from behind a sugar bowl and gasped upon seeing the chef of a French kitchen. He was a stout orangutan with orange fur, a light gray mask, thick black eyebrows, and a flesh-colored snout, palms, and soles. He wears a teal Hawaiian shirt with light green patterns, a pink lei, a white chef's hat, and a matching apron. His name was King Louie, the French chef of the kitchen. Louie rummaged through a cupboard. Singing in French to himself, he hummed to himself as he took a basket of trout and putting one on a counter. With his food ready, the orangutan chef started singing. Louie: Les poissons Les poissons How I love '''les poissons' ''Love to chop And to serve little fish Grabbing the trout from the basket, Louie pulled out a cleaver and violently chopped off its head. This shocked Br'er Rabbit horribly. Horrified that this was happening, Br'er Rabbit hid his face. Louie: First I cut off their heads Then I pull out the bones Ah mais oui Ca c'est toujours delish Taking out another trout, Louie took the cleaver and violently chopped off its head then proceeded to skin it and gut it while Br'er Rabbit leaned against a wall and covered his mouth, feeling quite sick, feeling as if he may want to throw up. Louie: Les poissons Les poissons Hee hee hee Hah hah hah With the cleaver I hack them in two Taking out another trout, Louie again chopped its head and then chopped the rest of the body into tiny pieces. Br'er Rabbit tried getting away, but he found himself face to face with the trout's head. Louie: I pull out what's inside And I serve it up fried Cause I love little fishes'' Don't you? After cutting the trout's head off, Louie pulled out the insides of the trout and cooked it on a frying pan before serving it on a plate. Spotting a large lettuce leaf, Br'er Rabbit grabbed the leaf and used it to disguise himself as he slowly scuttled away from an unsuspecting chef, who is too absorbed into his little fish hacking mania but Louie took a mallet and began smashing a tuna flat. Louie: Here's something for tempting the palate Prepared in the classic technique First you pound the fish flat with a mallet When Louie pounded the tuna flat with the mallet, Br'er Rabbit flew off the counter along with other stuff on it. He hid again under the lettuce before hearing more gross stuff from Louie's preparations for the tuna. Louie: Then you slash through the skin Give the belly a slice Then you rub some salt in 'Cause that makes it taste nice When Louie was describing those horrid moves, Br'er Rabbit cringed even more. Just after Louie put the salt on he rather was holding the fish body close to his cheek, Br'er Rabbit's worst fear was confirmed when the cook reached out and grabbed the lettuce leaf, leaving him exposed. The small rabbit kept perfectly still as the chef gasped, "Zut alors!" exclaimed Louie, "I have missed one!" He picked up the 'dead' rabbit and continued singing, Louie: ''Sacre bleu'' What is this? How on earth could I miss Such a sweet little succulent rabbit? ''Quel dommage'' What a loss Here we go In the sauce Now some flour I think just a spurt Louie tossed Br'er Rabbit into a bowl of sauce and threw a spot of flour in his face, making him cough and sneeze before pulling him out and stuffing some breadcrumbs in his mouth. Louie: Now I stuff you with bread It don't hurt 'cause you're dead And you're certainly lucky you are Br'er Rabbit spat out the breadcrumbs and wheezed loudly. Louie didn't notice that the rabbit in his hand was still alive. Louie: 'Cause it's gonna be hot In my big silver pot Toodle loo ''Mon poisson'' ''Au revoir!''' Louie threw Br'er Rabbit across the room into a large pot of boiling water. Br'er Rabbit held on to the inside of the pot before a bubble popped, burning him out of the pot and onto the counter with a loud thud. Louie, hearing the 'thud', looked over to it being confused. He used a pitchfork-like utensil and stabs on either side of the rabbit, picking up Br'er Rabbit and carefully inspected it. "What is this?" he asked. Br'er Rabbit bit Louie's nose, making him scream in pain as he held his nose. Br'er Rabbit landed on the handle of a pan on the stove. Louie reached for the rabbit, but instead put his hand on the fiery hot stove. The chef screamed and blew on his hand as the pan fell onto his foot. Louie grabbed his foot and cried in pain, before sending Br'er Rabbit an angry glare, grabbing a bunch of knives and hurling them at the rabbit. Br'er Rabbit, who ducked each knife, dove under the counter, and while the chef was looking under the counter, Br'er Rabbit pushed the bowl of sauce off the counter. The bowl shattered on his head. Going more insane, Louie lifted his cleaver and brought it down. But all he managed to chop up was the counter. He saw Br'er Rabbit hopping rapidly for his life. Br'er Rabbit screamed as he tried getting out. The cleaver landed right in front of him, stopping him from running that way. He quickly made a mad dash underneath Louie and hid underneath a cabinet of glasses and pottery. Louie screamed, holding his mallet in his hand, Br'er Rabbit hid as the psychotic chef jumped and crashed into the shelves. Back in the dining room, everyone heard loud crashes coming from the kitchen. Daisy, who was pouring drinks for the prince, the princesses, Luigi, and their young guests, looked in the direction of the kitchen at the sound of a large crash. "I think I'd better go see what Louie is up to." she said. Once she had excused herself, she hurriedly made her way to the palace kitchen. Back in the kitchen, the insane chef, ripped clothes and all, was tearing apart the cabinet, mindlessly throwing things out of the way trying to find Br'er Rabbit. "Come out, you little pipsqueak, AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" he snarled. He continued to tear apart a cupboard. "Louie!" shouted Daisy. He shot up, banging his head on the shelf, causing several new pots and pans to fall or break on the floor, at the sound of Daisy's shrill voice. His shirt and apron were torn and stained, his chef's hat and lei were gone, and there was a hole in the shoulder of his shirt. "What are you doing?" Daisy demanded. Louie stammered about what he was doing earlier. "Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, ''madame." he finally said. Daisy scowled at the orangutan as he gave her an apologetic grin and pinched out a fire that had started on top of his head. Daisy picked up the plates - which all had a metal dome over the top - off a nearby bench, and storming out the kitchen. "Well, I never!" she exclaimed in disgust. Luigi set his glass back on the table as Daisy placed their dinners in front of him, Ralph, Eilonwy, Angelica, Merida, Taran, and Chuckie. "You know, Ralph," he said. "perhaps our young guests might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?" Ralph, Eilonwy, and Angelica simply sat there, staring at Merida, Taran, and Chuckie with lovestruck expressions on their faces. Realizing that Vladimir had said something to them, they snapped out of their daze. Ralph let out a small chuckle and looked at Luigi. "I'm sorry, Luigi" he said, "What was that?" Luigi leaned over to the former bad guy and his sisters and whispered to them, "You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. Get your mind off-" As Luigi complained, he opened his dish, and Br'er Rabbit was huddled inside. Merida, Taran, and Chuckie noticed Br'er Rabbit and became worried. Br'er Rabbit quietly shushed the worried Scottish girl, who opened her dish and urged for Br'er Rabbit to quickly hide in hers. "Easy, Luigi, easy," said Eilonwy. "It's not a bad idea. If they're interested." As the four chatted, Br'er Rabbit quickly and quietly dashed across the table and hid in Merida's dish. With B'er Rabbit safe, Merida and her brothers quickly turned to Ralph and his sisters. "Well, what do you say?" asked Angelica. "Would you like to join us on a tour of our kingdom tomorrow?" Chuckie smiled broadly. "Sure, Angelica. I'd like that!" he said and nodded, genuinely excited by the prospect and also internally relieved, along with Merida and Taran. "Wonderful!" beamed Luigi. "Now let's eat, before this rabbit wanders off my plate." He looked down, only to be confused that Eddie had just run off his plate. Dinner got carried on into the evening long after the sun had set and afterwards, Merida, Taran, Chuckie, Ralph, Eilonwy, Angelica, and Luigi went their separate ways. Merida and her brothers were now dressed in their nightclothes as they watched Ralph and his sisters play with Kenai from the balcony. Merida was now wearing a green plaid floor-length nightgown with lace decorating the collar and wrists, white frilly, ankle-length pantalettes, a matching camisole with a green ribbon attached to the chest, and red slippers. Taran was now wearing a yellow nightshirt, light yellow leggings, olive green socks, and brown slippers. Chuckie was now wearing teal footy pajamas with light yellow stars, plain teal snaps, a matching collar and wrists, and smooth soles. While Ralph was still dressed in his regular day clothes from dinner, his sisters were also dressed in their nightwear. Eilonwy was now wearing a violet silk nightgown, pink pantalettes, a matching camisole, and ballet slippers. Angelica was now wearing purple flannel checked pajamas and plain purple slippers. "Come here boy!" Ralph laughed to Kenai, "Arrr!!!" He knelt on the ground and Kenai ran up to him calling out, "Here I come, Ralph!" Ralph growled playfully at the white horse as he pinned Angelica down. She and her older siblings looked up and smiled when they saw that the young woman, the assistant pig keeper, and the boy they'd found on the beach that day, watching. Angelica waved at Chuckie, and he waved back, before slipping further back with his older siblings into their room. Ralph, Eilonwy, and Angelica's eyes sparkled as their smiles widened. They were actually really looking forward to taking them around their kingdom tomorrow, and could only hope that they felt the same way. Merida smiled as she brushed her untied hair with her fork. Br'er Rabbit (now in the nude) complained about his experience in the kitchen as he cleaned off the cooking spices. "This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life." he complained. Chuckie patted Br'er Rabbit on the head as he took off his glasses and set them on the nightstand before Merida picked him up and carried him to his bed. "I hope you and your brothers appreciate what I go through for you, young lady!" scolded the rabbit, as he waved his lettuce leaf at Merida while she placed Chuckie in his bed. Chuckie's bed was a green racing car bed with an off-white water-filled mattress and two matching pillows. There were two lime green pillowcases covering the pillows. On the mattress, there was were lime green bedsheets to match the pillowcases. Tucked inside the racing car bed was a warm, fuzzy red blanket on top of the bedsheets. Anyway, Merida tucked Chuckie in and kissed him on the forehead. Taran (who had his slippers off) was was already in his bed - a single bed with a white matress and coffee-colored mahogany bedposts (with a headboard of the same color and material). His head was resting on only one white pillow. The pillow was covered with one yellow pillowcase. Taran's body was covered by yellow bedsheets and a warm, fuzzy green blanket on top of the bedsheets. Merida walked over to her bed. Merida's bed was a large canopy bed with aqua mattresses & matching bedsheets & pillows, large teal curtains (with golden draw-tassels) on all four sides (attached to the teal canopy), teal blankets, white linens, a warm, fuzzy turquoise blanket, & taupe mahogany bedposts (with a headboard of the same color & material). Anyway, Br'er Rabbit told Merida, "Now, we've got to make a plan to get that mountaineer and his sisters to kiss you." She opened the curtains, removed her slippers, and bounced a little before settling back into the large pillow on the left side of the canopy bed and crawled under the covers. "Tomorrow, when they take you for that ride, you gotta look your best." said Br'er Rabbit. Merida lay in her bed. It was very comfy and warm. It was a nice place for her to sleep for the night. "You're gonna bat your eyes - like this," Br'er Rabbit went on, as he batted his eyes and puckered his lips. "You gotta pucker up your lips - like this." But by now, he realized that Merida, Taran, and Chuckie were already fast asleep. Br'er Rabbit shook his head and smiled. "Hm." He blew out the candle on the bed side table. He closed the curtains, hopped onto one of Chuckie's pillows, and before falling asleep himself, he said, "You and your brothers are hopeless, child. You know that?" He yawned and closed his eyes as Chuckie covered him up with his red blanket. "Completely hopeless!" And with that, Merida, Taran, Chuckie, and Br'er Rabbit all fell asleep for the night. Category:Fan Fiction Category:Songs Category:The Little Mermaid Fanfiction Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmakes Category:The Little Mermaid Spoofs Category:Hero/Heroine Songs